Oh boy, I’m rich! (Not really)

I caught myself, off in a daze, staring off into the distance. All around me were people, just like myself, zombies looking nowhere, except at the back of human heads.

I was in the Tim’s line, and it was too early in the morning.

As always, once it was actually my turn to order, my expression quickly changed from a look of despair to someone who had just found water in the desert.

“Good morning! I will have one large, regular, please. No wait, make that an extra large. Oh you know what? Just give me that pot. Actually would you just mind……HOOKING IT TO ME VEINS?”

Settle down, Diane, settle down.

I performed this ritual about four times a week. Get up, shower, make myself semi-presentable for the outside world, walk past the coffee maker in my kitchen, get in my car, and then pay five times the price for the same kind of coffee I could have brewed at home.

Why didn’t I just bring my own? Was it the ritual? Did I just feel better buying my coffee in the morning? Do I feel I have too much money? I can most certainly assure you, this is not the case.

Whatever the reason, it got me started on a dark path that I will now call “actually looking at how much I spend on eating out every month and hiding under my desk.”

Dear Lord, make it stop.

I took a quick look at my last bank statement and wondered if my bank thought I was feeding a family of five. Besides the foolish food spending, there were other areas I appeared to lack any sense in, including paying for parking and the very real, very stupid need to buy new clothes when I had a closet bursting at the seam.

Something’s got to give, I thought as I sipped my coffee and ate my $4 bagel.

But what?

Alright, here it is. Since I quit eating meat a whopping week ago (thank you, thank you, I AM a better person) I’ve began to look at what else I can cut out of my life. So, in no particular order, I am writing down a plan to follow for a year. Yes, a year! That’s insane, right? F*%&in’ nuts! I start Monday (give a girl some time to adjust, alright?)

  1. No new clothes for a year. Those are big words coming from a girl who has used Instagram direct message to ask a store to put items on hold for her, but with all of the clothes I already own, a year should be easy.
  2. Lunch out only once per week. Yes, I was going to make myself bring lunch from home 5 days per week, but let’s get real for a moment – it might be asking for failure to go from lunch out everyday to none at all. Plus, TREAT YO-SELF.
  3. Farewell, my morning cup of incredibly expensive coffee. I have a coffeemaker. I have a coffee cup. I have a desire to stop spending $45 on coffee every month.
  4. Hair dye. Whoaaaaaaaa whoa whoa. Back up. My hair? MY HAIR? I was going to make an appointment the other day when I told my partner I was going to get it dyed. “Oh, what colour?” “Brown.” “So….the same colour it is now?” “yes….I…..have to cover up the 12 grey hairs I have. It will cost me $170.” Ya. Time to stop that and accept the fact I might be *gasp* not 18 anymore.
  5. Speaking of covering up, as I’ve previously written about, I am on this new “feel good, looking how I want to look” natural skincare kick. And honestly, it’s changing my life quite a bit. So, while I’ve already saved tons of money by switching over to local stuff, I am also going to continue to use a fraction of the makeup I used to, which should save me some serious dough.
  6. Get on the bus! Paying for parking downtown is ridiculous, and I’m even more ridiculous for continuing to do it. It’s one bus from my partner’s place to work, so minus once per week, I am going to start hoping on the big yellow vehicle of fun.

Alright, that should do it for now. I imagine my blog posts for the next little while should be full of side-effects from this plan, so please be patient as I navigate life without swiping my debit card six times a day.

Have a wonderful rest of your week,

Diane

 

 

Well, well, well

We meet again, blog that I said I would write on every Wednesday.

It is crunch time at the university. And by crunch time, I mean I am currently wearing sweatpants that probably should have been laundered days ago and just had dessert and tears for breakfast. It is 1:50 in the afternoon.

I adore the people out there who appear to handle everything with ease. The ones who wake before the rest of the city, do fifty things with their day, and look like they’re ready for a photoshoot while they stand in the supermarket, deciding which avocado has the right amount of firmness. They make dinner from scratch and have everything cleaned and ready for the morning, just in time to sit down and watch Jimmy Fallon laugh outrageously at his own jokes, before they settle into bed for their allotted eight hours of sleep. They wake in the morning relaxed and refreshed, ready to take on the next day.

I fell asleep last night covered in a cocoon of books, paper, and clean laundry I had been too tired to put away, waking from a nightmare at 3 a.m. with thoughts of everything on my To-Do list for the next few weeks. My mind was a mess, constantly sorting tasks into categories, from which they seemed to crawl out and pile themselves on top of one another in a heap on the floor, causing me to mentally try to separate them again.

Furthering the stress were the gentle┬árelentless reminders of a year quickly coming to an end. Lately every regular website I visited online featured the same prodding question, “What have you accomplished from your New Years resolutions for 2017?”

I looked at my resolution list, which, because I have this blog, can be found here, and had myself a good, long laugh.

The first one, and perhaps the most ambitious, was failed within record time. Giving up alcohol? Seriously, Diane. In fact I’m staring at an empty wine glass as I type this. Well I rarely overdo it, the glass of wine after a long day policy is still strictly in place.

The workout goal wasn’t completely lost. I certainly don’t exercise as much as I used to, but I don’t let more than a few days go by without getting my heart rate up. Even if it’s only attributed to checking my bank account.

Cheese. Cheese? I wanted to give up cheese? Oh right. Yes, I did. I believe it was dairy in general. This is going to be very hard to explain to my new pet cow, Tonya. “It’s not you, Tonya, it’s me! I didn’t know what I was talking about! Don’t walk away, Tonya! Moooooo!” Alright, it’s still bad for my skin, and I still need to say goodbye to it.

Yes, I did pretty good with the meditation part and being present. I still catch my mind running laps (like this morning) but at least I’ve found some tools to help myself get grounded a little quicker than before.

As for the rest of them, it’s a work in progress, or rather, I’m a work in progress. And, as I look at the calendar, I notice there’s still a solid six weeks of 2017 left.

Just enough time to stop drinking alcohol, give up dairy, donate everything I don’t really need, and reintroduce my body to vegetables.

Ya, I’ll get back to you on that.

Have a great weekend,

Diane

 

 

 

A Day

My alarm went off at the usual time, while there was still a blanket of darkness over the city and the only sounds that could be heard were the quiet hums of a neighbourhood beginning to wake.

This morning, however, was different from what I was used to. This morning, as I pressed the “off” button on my alarm instead of indulging in an extra ten minutes of sleep, I was utterly and positively ecstatic. This morning, I enthusiastically threw the covers from me, as if being underneath them a moment longer was a restraint I couldn’t possibly bear. This morning, I was already smiling, before I had even reached for the lamp on my bedside table to fill the room with light.

Then I stopped for a moment.

This morning didn’t hold anything different for me. I didn’t have some sort of fantastic plan. There wasn’t an event that I was excited for. I wasn’t about to get on a plane and jet off to a beautiful, exotic location.

No, I was going to get up, hop in the shower, and belt out my usual tunes on my way to school. I was going to sit in class for ten hours, run around the university, and consume an ungodly amount of coffee to keep me going. I was going to walk sluggishly to my car at the end of it, bracing myself for the feel of the cold seats. I was going to wash the day off my face, while glancing at the clock and counting the hours of sleep I could get before my alarm went off the next morning. I was going to crawl into bed, relishing in the feeling of letting my body rest after a full day of running from one place to the next.

So why, with an impossibly normal, tiring day ahead of me, did my heart feel so full? Why could I not stop smiling, even as I moved around my bedroom, gathering all my schoolwork in my backpack?

Because it was another day. A day I got to go outside. A day I got to look at the sky. A day I got to inhale fresh air. A day I got to feel like myself. A day I got to see family and friends. A day I got to complain, to laugh, to love.

A day that was like so many other days in so many ways, and yet a day unique in itself. A day I won’t get back.

It was, today.

 

Have a day ­čśë

Diane

 

Go with the flow

I gazed out my office window at the snow gently falling on downtown Winnipeg, either exciting or wildly disappointing the people walking below. The past week, as was becoming a theme in my life, had flown by with the introduction of a new job and what felt like a buildup of everyday adult problems. Exam stress and car problems are things I should count myself lucky to deal with, and I felt foolish letting myself get caught up in the negativity when so many good things were happening all around me.

I thought back to one of my psychology classes I had taken in college, where the professor had touched on a theory involving the need for humans to maintain a levelled state of emotion, almost a flatline where you’re not too happy, not too sad. That means, if things are going poorly and you find yourself down, your mind will try to create ways to bring you back to a level of contentment. However, in the same regard, if you are too excited or outrageously happy (wouldn’t that be lovely?) then your subconscious will look for ways to bring you back down to your natural state.

I remember thinking the theory was silly, and that from personal experience, I always strived to make decisions that would allow me to be the happiest I could be.

And yet, here I was on my lunch hour, sitting at a desk for the new job I was absolutely thrilled to get, only to find myself fixated on everything that had gone wrong this week.

I called my best friend on the way home, eager to unload some of these problems and get her perspective. The issues in my head had snowballed, and I allowed negative feelings to spill over into other areas of my life.

“What if, what if, what if….,” I found myself saying to her. She stopped me for a moment.

“Diane, what if this all doesn’t go wrong, and goes incredibly right?”

I sighed. This silly theory that I had written a paper arguing against was unfolding in front of me. I have had far more positives in my life than negatives in the past few months, yet I had shrunk the positives small enough to put in pretty little boxes and set aside, in order to let the negatives grow until they shaded over me.

Yes, sometimes things go wrong. They don’t go the way we expect them to, and we end up frustrated with having to be in situations that seem to overshadow the goodness in our lives.

But maybe if we stopped fighting things, if we rolled with the punches instead of running so hard against them, we could take things a little easier.

So, I will try my best to go with the flow. And tonight, the only flow that’s happening is the lovely bottle of wine I picked up after work into a glass big enough to fit the entire bottle.

 

May your week be peaceful,

Diane