You’re a little weird

“You’re a little weird.”

I paused on the other end of the phone.

“Um, pardon me?”

“You know, like you are for sure not normal.”

I paused again, unsure if I felt insulted or relieved.

One of the reoccurring struggles in my life, and perhaps something that everyone deals with once in a while, is the realization that not everyone likes you. I wrote about why that is okay, but like any insecurity, it can sneak up on you at the most surprising times.

After I hung up the phone on what would be our last conversation, I was much more bothered by the fact that the comment upset me than I was by the actual comment. I thought I had grown. I thought I had found a confidence in the past year that had finally allowed me to accept, without hesitation, the fact that sometimes people simply don’t get along.

And yet here I was. I felt like a little girl. One that had just sat down and smiled at another child, only to have them promptly walk away. I had gone from “I don’t care what anyone thinks of me,” to feeling about three feet tall.

Maybe this was all coming up because of other lessons I had learned in the past year: I let go of trying to put on a face when I meet new people. I used to mold and twist myself to suit someone, often saying whatever I thought they wanted to hear, which never ends well. Eventually, the real you makes an appearance, and it’s hardly fair to blame someone for falling for a mask, and then being disappointed when you remove it.

So the next lesson, which I feel may never end, will be one of self-acceptance. I look back to a year ago, and I think of the hurdles I’ve jumped through to get to a place where I finally feel like myself.

I’ve changed. You’ve changed. People change. And yes, maybe I’m a little weird. But I’d rather be a happy weirdo, ever myself, than a played down version simply to appease others.

And so with that, I will keep being weird, and I hope you will too.

Have a wonderful week,

Diane

 

 

Is it July already?

This is about the fifteenth time this month that I have sat with my laptop open, running my fingers along the keys, hoping that the mere act of sitting down to write would produce something worth reading.

The thing about writing, once the words flow out of whatever part of my mind they come from and find their way onto the screen, is that all of a sudden it makes everything I’m thinking more……real.

Normally this is wonderful, as I am usually excited to share what I’m feeling and thinking through this medium with anyone that will listen. However the past month has been a mixed bag of emotions, filled with excitement, disappointment, happiness, and peace. It was this reason, among barely having time to process some events, that I wanted to hold onto these thoughts for myself a little longer.

I’ve received a few messages, asking where I’ve wandered off to. I’m still here, taking in summer and trying to enjoy the warm air as much as possible before we begin to wake up to the first few days of frost.

The plan, if I was ever good at following one, is to start publishing once a week at the beginning of August. I have a list of things to write about, and hopefully they won’t be too stubborn as I try to get them onto paper.

I hope you’re enjoying your summer.

Talk soon,

Diane