Unintended Exercise

It was a beautiful spring day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and this lovely city I call home was just starting to wake up from a long winter nap.

I decided I wasn’t going to waste the chance to witness Winnipeg coming into spring, so I threw on my runners and ventured out to the park. Ah, yes, this is what I had been waiting for. The rays of sunshine were warm enough for me to leave my coat behind, and I relished in the deep breaths of crisp air that filled my lungs.

I started out on a path I was familiar with, making sure to smile and say hello to anyone who met my gaze. Even the wildlife seemed to appreciate the day, with an abundance of critters crossing paths in front of me, chasing one another up trees and down pathways after a long winter.

I turned a corner and was greeted by a flock of geese. I had seen many of them around the city lately, which was a welcome sign of spring’s arrival. Still strolling along at a slow pace, I looked over at them and smiled, pondering how nice it must be to head south for the winter with all of your friends. They even seemed to notice me too, and I was greeted with a few friendly honks.

Oh, one’s coming over to say hello. That’s nice. I knew better than to approach one of them, so I zigzagged in my walking a bit, trying to avoid meeting him on the path.

This did not deter him. He got louder, kindly cautioning me to get away from the flock. “I’m going, I’m going!” I said out loud, fully aware there were other humans in the area that had just witnessed me conversing with a goose.

HONK HONK!!! “I know! I f’in said I know! I am walking in the opposite direction of you and your friends!”

But this did not appease him.

Quickly, and with perhaps as much warning as a goose gives you when deciding you’re about to die, he ran at me full on.

“AHHHHHHHHHH!”

I was now sprinting, zigzagging, and using any other tactics I could to dodge him. “GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU ASSHOLE!!”

After about thirty seconds (which feels like an hour after you’ve spent the entire winter deeming walking from your house to your car exercise) the relentless chasing stopped.

I leaned over as I caught my breath, accepting the fact that the first personal trainer I encountered this year had been a small creature with feathers that could take flight.

I looked over at them, now quite far away, and grumbled to myself.

‘Thanks for the run, you majestic asshole.”

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