War Paint

I have been slathering makeup on my face for as long as I can remember. When I was a little girl, I’d watch my mother carefully apply her mascara, and I was so excited to know a time would come when I would be standing in front of a mirror, plastering all sorts of colour on my face to make myself pretty.

If I could go back in time and tell miniature Diane to calm the %$*& down and delight in the days when a shower and a toothbrush were all I needed, I’d hop in a time machine right now.

I noticed something while I was packing for my vacation this week: half my carryon was filled with items I used on a daily basis just to deem myself acceptable to leave the house. Foundation, mascara, blush, eyebrow powder, primer, hairdryer, eyeshadow, lipstick, eyelash curler (yes, this is important), and enough face wash and moisturizer to use on a small country, left little room for the clothes I needed.

I started to wonder not only how much money I spent trying to look human, but also how much time I wasted everyday. If I spend 45 minutes getting ready everyday, that’s 5.25 hours a week….multiply by 52 weeks in a year and you get….273 hours. If I take after family members and live anywhere as long as them, I’ll have spent over 2 years of my life applying makeup and doing my hair.

Oh my god.

2 years! Imagine the things you could accomplish in 2 years. You could get a diploma. Or travel the world. Learn a new language. Make a human being. Making another human being. Learn to play an instrument. Take up cooking and get good enough at it that your guests don’t look for the nearest plant to toss their burnt chicken into.

I don’t know if I’ll ever reach a point where I’ll leave the house on a regular basis without makeup, but after seeing those numbers, it might be time to reevaluate exactly why I spend so much time putting it on in the first place.

Happy Family Day,



2 thoughts on “War Paint

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